just sifting

[sage]

IOW, that the people who are tripping all over themselves to win back the WAS might not be DB'ing to their fullest potential...that if, instead, they focused on themselves, their lives, their goals, that they'd be really DB'ing and who KNOWS what could happen? isn't that pretty much what I said? If the LBS stops playing the control, attachment game and starts bettering their own life the WAS may just wake up and smell the coffee? "act as if" is a db concept no? focussing on oneself instead of the was is a db concept, no? All I'm pointing out is that far to many folks seem to be caught up in a web of if I dress this way, talk this way, do this or do that it may elicit this or that reaction from the was...rather than thinking "gee, I'd like to feel better about myself so I'll do this or that" if it works I'll do more of it. I'm not attacking db at all...I'm simply pointing out that this bb doesn't seem to be much of a db site if you really look around.

Now that you've explained it, yah, I can see that we're on the same page...when I read your initial post my fear was that newcomers would be overwhelmed with thoughts of "why am I trying to reconcile" when it seems like maybe you were suggesting "am I truly DB'ing here?" which is totally different and something I totally agree with.

Sage