I think you and your H represent a 3rd category... one where both parties are willing to make big changes for the overall R.
Some folks have spouses who see the error of their past ways and realize that they really DO want to commit to making themselves and their marriages what they always dreamed it would be.
LL, I hear you loud and clear on what you said. In fact, your observation is what kept me absolutely grounded in my decision to move forward with the D process.
I just know deep down inside that unless Mr. Wonderful changed too, we would eventually wind up here again. I think I've done a lot of changing, and for the better. He has not lifted one finger to figure out what ails him down inside...
I think the key lies within each one of us. We have to decide if sacrificing our souls is worth the price. Somehow I think this is your struggle?
Sage, I don't know if you really know how special you and your H really are. Unless both people are really willing to open up and do the work, it's really a difficult dynamic to wade through. I don't consider you LUCKY, because that implies you had nothing to do with your success here. But fortunate? Yes. You rose to the occasion, and so did your H. That means you have what it takes to see that you never go where you've been before.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
