thanks for stopping by. Ya, I'm doing ok...been lurking a bit without much to say...well I always have something to say but know that most often it's not what people want to hear (in regard to others sits).
I think I have to have a talk with h soon. I don't like the way I feel about things right now and don't know what to do about it and sitting with it myself sure isn't helping.
The more I just sit with things and go about my business of keeping myself generally happy the further away from him I feel and then well....thoughts of why the hell did he have to go and do this (ow and leaving) to us.
I don't really want to have an argument with him I just want to let him know that I'm feeling really stuck and wonder if perhaps he could offer up some ideas.
One of the biggest things I'm stuck on that I know he can't help with is the question of exactly wtf was his a all about? he goes from accepting it as an a to then saying "you can call it that if you want" I just don't know. I don't want to torture the guy for the rest of his life for what he did but I can't suffer in silence either.
of course timing of such a conversation will be difficult since there always seems to be something else adding stress to his life...
we'll see..
on a more positive note...
I'm not one to give play by play daily logs anymore but figure this ones pretty good...
h went to the game last night (go pats) and called me several times...on the way there, once there and then again during the game...I was trying to fall asleep during the last call (had an awful headache) so didn't have much to say and well h closed with ILY and the words just didn't come back from me. I felt bad but what can I do? so this am when he called I answered the phone in my usual playful manner "dominos" (I change resteraunts at random) chatted for a bit and closed with "oh btw, ILY too!
I should also add that h tried to initiate twice the begining of this week...the first night I declined with good reason (the end of a week if ya know what I mean) the second? well I declined cause I think I was just being bithcy figuring I don't want too cause I don't feel close to you (weird for me since I always wanted to whenever). Now I feel bad about that but what can ya do? perhaps I wont decline if there is a next time.
