don't know what decision I'll make if I ever make one if I haven't infact already made one...if that makes any sense.
I just don't like the way this r feels...like it doesn't really exist...like it isn't real...like it's just for...show?
I don't know anymore and as I've said numerous times...there were issues long before ow showed up that still haven't been resolved and I don't seem to have the energy or desire anymore to work on them...
I can't blame db for it but in a way I do...I learned not to have r talks and to act as if while h was away...that brought him home but how is that supposed to fix anything? sure it keeps the status quo and keeps a seemingly secure m but it in my opinion does nothing more than create a future waw.
SO, who's up for a little dream alalysis? just kidding but thought I'd share a dream I had the other night.
first off I'll say that I don't often think much about ow anymore...she's a classic waw and wouldn't be much competition for me in the real world so my thoughts are hey if h ever wants her again he can have her as long as he pays the bills and sets me free.
having said that...
dream....
h and I are at a function of some sort...don't know if it was a spa or what but there were people in lines with check points...who knows maybe it was a border control facility or something....
h and I are seperated...I made it through the gate and he was loli gaging so got held back...not being on the ball gets held behind...
through the crowd I hear laughter and see h walking and talking with some lil blonde (representing ow I'm sure)
they laugh and run off together...when I find them again (without searching mind you cause I at that point couldn't give a crap) she gives me attitude and h is backing her up...I proceed to pummel her...h all the while begging me not to cause she's pregnant...I say oops as she falls to the floor in a bloody mess (which I assume represented the loss of said preg)
end dream.
I think I've spent too much time reading the infidelity board
but then again the dream does have some things to say...
I think ow is an oblivious little idiot (and not just because she was the ow) a simpleton of little mind.
In some ways I think h is an oblivious idiot (and not just becuase he had an a)
I see h as incapable (thus his being left behind and not able to get himself through the gate)
I'm sure in some ways I let these thoughts show to h thought I do my bes not to.
