hey Shiny, nice to have you back around...I always did apreciate your input.

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Hi LL,

Yeah, I know a little (text book info only) about Asperger's and your H doesn't quite seem to fit...first thing that popped into my head were those leisurely lunches with ow....grrrr grrr here too! I try not to go down that road but can't help but wonder what could compell h to talk to her every day on the phone or at some points visit her 3x a week for "lunch" and I can't even get one measily night a week out of him. but I digress...

I guess I'm just kind of beaten down and exhausted (sound familiar) by the unremitting failure of your H to even attempt to meet some of your basic needs. I'm pretty damn tired of it myself! I've thought of you often when CJ and I spend an entire day and evening together, just hanging or bike riding, taking a drive, having/cooking dinner. what I would give for just an evening spent productively together.

It's nearly incomprehensible that your H doesn't GET how little he could do for SO much benefit to your M. I think he's pretty confident by now that I'm not going anywhere...I mean after all these years why should he suddenly take an active role in the r? Is there ANY novel, crazy, big, small, stupid, smart, drastic way to get him to GET this??? the only thing that seems to work is the occassional outburst, fight, but I'm pretty sick of it and at this point would rather just not say a word and go about my own business and let him rot away from my mind.

I recall Therapy not really working for you guys in the past (did you go one time on your own and H didn't even ask about it?)... I went alone while he was gone...he then joined me for a bit (only after my calling a lawyer myself as a result of his lackluster attitude toward reconcilliation) it didn't go well any time I tried to address any issues...seems he just wanted every thing to be honkey dory! but could a real behaviour focussed C help? I doubt it WOULD your H be more likely to follow through on homework assignments (like quality time)if it were linked with follow-up visits?? the c we went to tried very hard to address the issue of quality time but h wouldn't budge. He just can't wont commit to it. to be honest I don't have much desire or energy to go to a c with him anymore...it would have to be his idea at this point and that will happen when monkeys fly out my butt!

I'm starting to think that might be what it will take for CJ and I to get the PA thing out of the ditch. It's like HE's in a comfort zone in that one area and it's driving me crazy, making me doubt everything else.
I can understand that...what happens when you just get comfortable and don't think of the pa stuff? or when you are non sexually affectionate toward him?
I guess what I'm saying is...I feel you girl! oh what a world...

Shiny



I should add an example of how h avoids time with me/us...he mowed the lawn last night...therefore doesn't have to do it this weekend...we have a pty to go to on sun (bday for nephew) he just informed me (by phone as he still isn't home yet) that he may have to take a drive to drop off a check...uhm? why not do it tommorow when he's closer to that area? his explenation makes no sense.

LL