Quote: H is a wonderful man in a million different ways. I don't want to leave him but I'm starting to wonder if, for my sanity's sake, it's the only option I have left. I am starting to feel the desperation I felt when I left my alcoholic/abusive husband.
I can relate. In fact I've often wondered if my LDHs problems don't actually have something to do with alcoholism. He would much rather drink than have sex with me and when he isn't drinking I think a certain amount of his irritibility is a sort of "dry drunk" irritibility. The porn problem was also there in my sich. For a while, suggesting that we watch porn together was the only way I could get laid. Imagine a woman walking into a video store with two children and leaving them in the Disney area to browse while she quickly grabs a porn flick to rent in hopes of getting some action.
Quote: Even though the behavior is different, the effect on me is the same: I question myself, my self worth. Sometimes I have even thought if I didn't have the kids I would put myself out of my misery.
I know the depression can be overwhelming. You are stuck between feelings of guilt and failure and feelings of pain and low self worth. There is hope. I guarantee that you can stay in your marriage and treat yourself with self-respect at the same time by demanding that your H treats you with respect and makes a reasonable attempt to meet your reasonable demands. However, I can't guarantee that your H won't choose his "addiction" over your relationship. He might not be that strong, but you will be much stronger for standing up for yourself and making a final effort to rectify your situation.
Hugs,
MM
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
