Omgosh you have me busting a gut over here in STL. And that is dangerous these days. How would you to have the distinction of being a man who put his friend in labor with stories of sock stuffage??
Quote: My advice to you is to not make any "deals" to get sex. IMO the only things you should do to be sexually attractive to your spouse are the same things you would do to be sexually attractive to a complete stranger.
Don't worry. I wouldn't actually make a deal like that. (He'd find a way to get out of it, anyway.)
Here is my question: at what point does the HD spouse give up on trying to be sexually attractive to the LD spouse? 'Cuz honestly, I have tried this way, that way, and 100 other ways to be more sexually attractive to him and NOTHING works. I've lost a buncha weight. I've grown my hair out. I've bought sexy lingerie. I've gotten up earlier than him and fixed my hair and makeup. I've given him massages. You name it, I've probably tried it. (Including the opposite which is doing NOTHING hoping he'd notice THAT!)
Meanwhile, every time he (in my eyes) rejects my attempts to become more attractive sexually, I quash yet another HD part of myself. It's to the point where I *am* becoming more sexually attractive to other men and I'm a bit scared by the thrill I'm starting to get from that. I've slid down the slippery slope of adultery before (previous marriage, not this one) and I do NOT want to go there again.
I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm trying to be superwife in order to get sex. My goal (and I used moving as an opportunity to set it) was to change myself into a better person overall. Instead of sitting around stewing all day and wondering what my "special purpose" in life is, I decided to take a plan of action and go for it. (I will admit I got part of this from the Dr. Laura "Proper Care and Feeding..." book. Which, BTW, LDW's should read, especially Chapter 6.)
So being more defined in my role to the family was one goal when we moved. The other goal was to do a 180 where sex was concerned: not take things so personally, initiate more often, not take things so personally, oh and not take things so personally. I've done well at goal #1, but not so well at #2.
What I get angry at him about (when he's not even home) is the situation I play out my head . It goes something like this: he gets home, I give him a back rub, we retire to the bedroom, I initiate, he says he's too tired, I go to sleep frustrated. It's a situation that's happened many many man times in our marriage, and by playing it out in my head I guess I'm trying to save myself the trouble of it happening again. The problem is, of course, I feel the anger and frustration even though he wasn't even here to "reject" me again.
It's hard to explain - especially with my twins pestering me at this moment!
