I'm starting to think this is over. I know I haven't been the best at DBing so maybe that is why. I ask H questions that I don't think I really want to hear the answers to. I guess that I ask because I think I will then know what I am up against.
H is going to be moving to a new place pretty soon w/ new GF & her kids - 4 girls I think. He said he likes the direction things are moving w/ her - they can really communicate, don't argue, are from more similar backgrounds so they understand each other better etc. She is everything I am not he says. Funny, I was once everything he thought he would never have - the best thing that ever happened to him. Said I need to stop hanging on to us because he is w/ her & that is where he wants to be. I of course have to try to tell him all the negatives I see which is obviously a big mistake. He says we moved to fast when we got together but they are doing the same. He says they are not. Says he is really happy. I say you were really happy w/ me in the 1st 6 weeks of our relationship too. He wanted to marry me the 1st month we were together.
Asked him why we ML after he started going out w/ her if it was so right from the start. Why he was talking about our future if it was so right w/ her. No response from him - I am just crazy of course & took everything said & done wrong.
I know i should shut up - why don't I do it? I want so badly to convince him that he is wrong. But, logic says that the more I tell him he is wrong, the more it will push him towards her.
Talked to my mom for a long time tonight on the phone. We never talk about H because she totally disagrees w/ me not letting go a long time ago. I cried alot, explained why I feel how I do. She thinks we are too different & if I really care about him as much as it seems (which she can't understand because she thinks the bad outweighs the good by now, how could I possibly love someone who has hurt me so much) then I should let him go & file for D because that is the best for him. She thinks not Ding him is just postponing the inevitable. That our backgrounds are too different & although he may envy mine & want to be a part of it (caring & supportive family,etc ), she believes that he can't handle having people care about him that much so he backs off. She thinks he is doing everything possible to push me away to show that he can't do this & that I won't let him go. I understand what she is saying but she can't possibly understand how I feel, on the verge of a 2nd D, when she has been married for 37 years.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just know that I can't stand the thought of him w/ those feelings for someone else. I know he was w/ an OW when he 1st left, but this feels different.
I thought I was detaching but I guess not enough. It still hurts so much. He thinks it has been a year so I ahould be over it. I said maybe I would be if he wasn't always coming back around & talking about wanting to make it work.
