Thanks Water, for the birthday wishes & advice. This whole situation just boggles my mind somedays.

Update:

H decided not to quit his job. He called me at work Tuesday & was basically being a pain. Started off saying that all he wanted was a divorce & for us to go our separate ways. He said this would be the last reason we had to contact each other. I pretty much said ok - didn't argue w/ him as usual except to stand up for myself as needed. He proceeded to call me back a lttle while later to reiterate that we would not be talking anymore, that he would not make anymore truck payments & would bankrupt me. I didn't give him much of a response. He then called again & said that I had a choice - he would either pay for starting divorce or would continue paying for truck, etc. Before I could say anything he said he would decide fo me - he was not going to file right now, was going to work on helping me pay bills, take care of truck pmts, etc. Doesn't want to screw me over. Wants to be more responsible. He asked if I would go w/ him to Secretary of State about his license. Said it would give us a chance to talk. I did & he lost his license for a year which was expected.

We talked on the way & he pretty much said he didn't want a D - if he did he would have done it along time ago. That is kind of what I have always thought but he doesn't make much effort to make this work. I brought up newest OW - he acted like it is nothing & said he isn't seeing her. Got himself wrapped up in a few lies but I didn't push the issue. I said he needs to decide what he wants - he said he wants his marriage but w/out all these problems. I agreed that we need to work thru some issues, but also said that it wasn't very realistic to expect to never disagree or for 1 of us to be in a bad mood ever. He said that he is going to make an effort on our R. Talked me in to stopping home for quickie before going back to work.

So this is where I need some wise DBing advice:

I know he loves me, but I also know he is lying about OW & OW in the past. I am almost positive he stayed at her place last night based on something I heard at work.

On one hand, I am glad we are interacting & talking again because I feel that is my only way to DB & show him changes in me. I found it interesting how detached I felt when he kept calling on Tuesday - I think over the weekend I had resigned myself to the fact that it was over & time to move on. I could tell he didn't like not getting much of a reaction out of me - I didn't cry at all! I told myself yesterday that I was gong to distance myself from him & let him come to me & make the effort. I think I can do that but I started down that road again of thinking more about him today, wondering if he is lying, what he is doing etc. He did call me three times during the day today.

I don't know how to handle all this right now - I don't think he really wants to lose me, but I don't see him making any moves in this direction. If anything, he wants his cake etc etc... I don't want to make any ultimatums because that will probably backfire on me. It is so hard to be patient. Is my best bet to continue DBing & make more of an effort to not always be available for him? One thing that crossed my mind when he said he didn't want a D is that he wants to keep his options open in case he needs something since he doesn't have a license now.

I keep telling myself to just get on w/ my life & have no expectations & he will probably surprise me. I do find that my life is less stressful w/out him in it & on my mind 24/7 (a reason for detaching?? ) but I do miss him alot. I think he needs to get a feeling that I may not always be there but I also don't want to give the impression that I don't want our M.

Sorry for the rambling & repeating myself. Need to find me some of that patience & start re-reading DR.

slt