SLT~ Happy Birthday! (sorry its alittle late ) I hope you did something fun.
Quote: It is so hard to sit by & watch someone self-destruct.
Yes, SLT it is very hard to do this, yet you CANNOT change these things. He really needs to do this on his own. By trying to ease his pain you really are making things more difficult as it is putting off the process of him dealing with his own problems. The woman in us really wants to make everything nice and easy.
Quote: feel like it is partially my fault because he says I would never accept that things were over & move on.
SLT, you are responsible for your half of the marital problems, however, you are NOT responsible for his issues that he must deal with. Please understand this.
Quote: he seems to forget that every time I started to distance my self from him, he came back around & talked about working on the relationship.
Ummm SLT, you have hit on the KEY here. When you start to focus on YOU and go HAPPILY about your life. You are SOOO much more attractive and your H will go "hummm what is SLT up to. Do I really want to loose that?" This needs to be your focus. You noticed for yourself the results of you backing off and giving space. So lets do more of what works and less of what doesn't.
Quote: He hurt my feelings today by saying that all I care about is me & how this situation looks to other people.
They say ALL kinds of hurtful things. Mostly it is their own insecurities and issues that are being forced or projected on you. It's not about you, but him. This is hard when you hear these things spew from the person you love's mouth. However, you are so better served by letting that just roll off your back. When he knows you have changed the game and are not reacting in the fashion he had in mind, well that causes him to think.
Quote: I know it is time to drop the rope but I love him so much that I don't know how.
Dropping the rope does not mean that you stop loving him. It means you are loving him in THE WAY he needs most right now. To not react to his antics and to be his friend IF he needs you as he deals with his OWN issues. SLT, he knows you are there for him as you have done that many times before. Just be his friend. Act on your own life.
I remeber early on in my path here, I found letters my H had written to me before we were married. I remember thinking, I wish he would love me like that again.
Then it hit me... I WASN"T THAT PERSON, SO WHY WOULD HE? I was a hurt, needy, weak person. That needed to change ASAP and not for H but for ME.
I hope this helps and I know you are in such a hard place. I can sense the love you have for your H. But he really needs you to be his friend, a strong confident, fun happy person. Yes, that is hard when you so don't feel like it. But as you do that it will become easier. And sometimes that is enough to change the course you are on.
My thoughts are with you and I hope you have a great weekend.
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