H & I have been separated for a little over a year. He came back for a month in the spring, then wanted nothing to do w/ me ever, was talking D, etc. I think I started detaching some, he heard his sister wanted to set me up w/ someone & suddenly he was around again - after not giving me even a hello when I saw him at work for a few weeks. We started hanging out again, talking, ML, & talking about the future again. He talked about counseling & having kids. We were never going to get divorced but needed to take it slow etc etc. I agreed & thought, AGAIN, that maybe this was finally it.
We have been getting along well for the last month or so but I was starting to feel that he was only coming around whne he needed something from me & therefore I got resentful. I tried to DB, but didn't always do so well. A couple other factors played in to my moods which were going downhill - in process of changing anti-d meds & H was best man in weddding that I was not invited to. I was jealous & worried about possible OW (new ones) but tried to not show it.
Anyway - we had a bad week last week, arguing & such. But, had worked through a few issues, including him telling me that he was not dating or screwing around w/ anyone. So, I figured we were still working on our R - he had brought up conversations about how we can improve our communication, etc.
Last night I called where he is living to give him a phone message & was told that they hadn't seen him much the last 2 weeks (since their wedding) & that he was at M's house all the time now. So I guess my instincts were correct - he has now told a few people, including his dad, that he got really drunk at wedding reception & woke up w/ this chick in his bed the next morning. Guess they have been together ever since. He even introduced her to his dad which really surprised (& hurt) me. He said his dad really liked her & said that he better "take care of things" w/ his wife if this is what he wanted. She is friend of people that got married. I guess she has 4 kids & doesn't work - he has always said that he never wanted to be w/ someone & raise their kids or be w/ someone that wanted him to support them. The funny thing is, he came over the day after the wedding cuz he says he wanted to see me. He still has been calling & coming by sometimes. It's like he is nicer to me when he is w/ someone else. I don;t know if he feels guilty, is keeping his options open or what. Part of me feels it is good because he can't make a total break from me but part of me feels that he is using me.
Found out he was also seeing ex OW (that he left for originally) while we started working on things again. I broke down today - a couple people came out & said that they have tried to be supportive of me this last year but it is time to move on because if he really loved me, he would be making more of an effort. It is hard to hear when people say that maybe I need to realize that he doesn't really love me - I don't want to believe that. Also that I deserve better. I agree with that part - I have let him take advantage of the situation by not setting any boundries. He knows that I I am always here if he needs me which is a habit I need to break. A guy friend at work said that deep down I must know this is wrong for me & that I need to love myself & not put up with H's crap, etc. I know they all care about me but it is hard to hear & also the reason I hold so much inside & don't talk to anyone about our R.
I know that I would be thinking the same thing if I was in their shoes, on the outside looking in. But, I love him & just can't get past that & what could be.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I don't get much usually since I don't ever feel that I have any to give, but I really need some direction here.
I know people on here that have made things work after long separations but I am starting to believe the "Divorce" propaganda that people are giving me. It just hurts so much - I am really struggling w/ detaching. I tell myself every night that there is still a chance w/ him if I detach & get my own life & I will either be happier alone or meet someone else or it will draw him back. But, in the heat of the moment, I lose my patience & don;t always DB like I should.
The funny thing is, he came over the day after the wedding cuz he says he wanted to see me. He still has been calling & coming by sometimes. It's like he is nicer to me when he is w/ someone else. I don;t know if he feels guilty, is keeping his options open or what. Part of me feels it is good because he can't make a total break from me but part of me feels that he is using me.
