So here is the position that wouldn't work for all you curious minds out there.
Lay on your side and take one extra large jumbo watermelon and place it underneath your shirt. Make sure that it begins at the crotch area and extends up to the bottom of your breasts. Then place a pillow in between your knees and one underneath your watermelon (so as to support the weight and keep the excess weight from grinding my knee bones into powder).
At that point, threaten to do yourself because your partner is totally uninterested in you. Attempt to reach your hand around the watermelon and the pillows and reach your squeezy bits. I would venture to guess that only those people who are equipped with monkey arms will be able to pull this off successfully.
A simple shift of position would have corrected the problem but I was both chicken to take matters into my own hands (thereby MASSIVELY offending my H) and lazy and defeated, as noted earlier.
Oh well today is a new day and I just had a hot cup of fancy coffee so that will boost my spirits for a few hours.
