Last night, H and I were taking a quiz that is out of a marriage building book we are reading together. (ha, if you can call it that. He's read one chapter; I've finished the whole book)
One of the questions read: We all hold things back from our mates. What do you hold back from your mate and why do you think you do this?
My answer came quickly as I told him that I held back sharing in his spirituality with him. I felt directly threatened by his devotion to his faith (at one period, I truly thought he would leave me to pursue the priesthood) and so I steered clear of it. I pointed out that I feel myself slowly coming out of this and wanting to share in it with him. He agreed.
When it was his turn, he couldn't think of anything that he held back! He kept saying how he was an open book and shared almost all of himself with me. (he has no friends or hobbies, just me and the kids) Then he says that he withholds romance and dates and the like. He says that, at the time, he views the time to-be-invested in the date as just too much. It all seems so not worth it, in other words. But then he said that he enjoys it once we do these things and wishes we did it more often. Paradoxically, he said he craves alone time with me but the planning and execution just seems like too much work. (this coming from the guy who has not a lazy bone in his body--always moving, the Non-Couch Potato Poster Boy)
I was VERY surprised that he did not cite withholding sex as something he does. At the least, withholding his sexual desire. I bit my tongue and did not put words in his mouth like, Don't you think you withhold this? even though I wanted to pretty badly!
He truly believes that, sexually, he gives it his all. So while I really wanted to point out all the ways he sexually withholds, instead I just bit it and went along with the conversation. This is hard for me.
Oh well, he thinks he slid outta that one pretty slickly I'm sure but I know that there is a whole chapter devoted to sex and I plan on nailing him to the wall then.
I AM kidding by the way. I have no intention of doing anything of the sort. I will just do what I did last night and follow the exercises without giving in to the temptation to tell him how it really is.
