I was feeling really relaxed and happy; the kids were being good. So I took a shower and came to sit by H on the couch. The kids were engrossed in a movie (so was H, he loves old Disney movies lol) and I was reading. I had my long legs stretched out over him and he was massaging me. He was clearly enjoying it. I realized that this is something that I haven't been doing lately because of comfort issues--that is, as big as I am these days it is just easier to sit in other positions. He has always told me that he needs a high level of touching from me...he needs to feel my legs on him, receive lots of hugs from me, etc. Otherwise he has a hard time feeling sexual. The actual physical contact is what propels him into sexual thinking, in other words. I know this but it does slip my mind, to tell the truth. Also I have not been very creative in thinking how to be physically close to him in light of the fact that my belly is preventing it. I should also say that my nightie was a short one and there were, of course, no panties with it so he was enjoying the view as well. Later in bed, we snuggled a bit and I tried as best as I could to get close to him and stroked him a little bit. I didn't want to go overboard because I want him to know that I enjoy this intimate touching without it leading to sex. I PREFER that it lead to sex, but if it doesn't I still enjoy it and the EC is mucho strengthened by it.
At one point, I realized that I could turn it into sex pretty easily if I wanted to. Normally that puts me into a mental place of "Why should I have to talk him into it? What is wrong with me that he wouldn't just be turned on by everything that's happened tonight??" But I really fought that crap off and managed to stay in the moment and just enjoy it for what it was. He stroked me a little bit and I really wanted to ask him to continue but I knew that he wasn't 100% into it and so I decided to just wait and try for tonight.
None of this is remarkable whatsoever except for the fact that I really enjoyed it, despite the fact that he was not horny for me, and the EC stayed strong and is still strong today. I hope to reconnect tonight and celebrate.
I think that I get too caught up in what other men would do and how they would react to me. Yeah, there are millions of guys out there who would drool at the thought of their wives allowing a leg massage and flashing the goods, etc, not to mention the 'snuggling' which was really me with my body half draped on his while I held his penis in my hand and softly stroked it, but so WHAT!!!! I'm not married to them. I have much better results when I concentrate on who I am married to, and what he likes and needs from me. I still struggle with the thought of "he SHOULD be turned on by this, why isn't he?" etc. I really wish I could ditch this line of thinking; it would most likely make things a lot easier on myself.
