Thank you Lina, I was really down in the dumpster and your kind words helped me.
Quote: That you're still working and struggling with it all really shows what your relationship means to you. If it didn't mean anything, then it wouldn't bother you that you don't respond physically. The only question is whether it's your H or the emotional investment you've made into your marriage that you care about.
It is my H that I care about. I've always understood that his actions were never meant to intentionally hurt me... that is precisely why we're still together. As I've posted before, it seems that our sex life is the main problem in our marriage.
Shortly after submitting that last post, I realized that my whole celibacy "thing" was just a copout. It'd be the easy way out of any work on my part to simply suggest he look elsewhere for sex. The funny thing is, I've had 2 nightmares in the past 2 weeks where he does go outside the marriage and I'm completely torn apart by it. Yesterday I made the choice to break the ice and show more affection (baby steps). I believe Honeypot hits the nail on the head when she said,
Quote: I think that the lack of intimacy that comes from not having sex makes things so awkward that affection seems weird. Getting that close to a person and in their personal space seems odd unless you are regularly getting in their space anyhow!
It's so true... it's obvious!
I'm going on a 5 day trip tomorrow, all by myself to visit relatives (my grandmother and my M-I-L) and plan to get in some good reading and heart-to-hearts.
