Thanks Hairy and Lina! Gosh, where do I start? I feel as if I've been running around in circles... I'm exactly where I was back when I joined the board. Actually, that's not accurate. I'm having such a hard time and obviously my therapy hasn't helped at all. I'm hurting and I realize this is the craziest place for me to expect ANY kind of sympathy or empathy, as an LD.
Here's the problem. I love my H and want to make my marriage work - so why can't I *love* him as a wife should? I'm so sick of this. I'm an affectionate and compassionate person... but I am completely platonic with my H. I don't understand why I internally cringe when he wants a hug or kiss. I am so frustrated by the indifference I feel when he snuggles up to me in bed. I am sickened by the anger I feel when and if I feel an erection pulsing on my backside (through his underwear and my pajamas).
I feel evil just typing this - living it is unbearable. I don't know what to do. I keep thinking that I should tell him that if he wants an open marriage that I'm fine with it. Just because I am being celibate doesn't mean he has to be.
