We are all capable of self-deception. I have certainly found myself there before. I probably will again.
The 'list' I was referring to is not a list of 'demands', rather a list of issues. There is a significant difference. If you both discuss issues, then you can work on a mutual agreement. A compromise, something you can both agree to.
I still think that BOTH of you are being disrespectful. In the car seat incident, you admit that you were left feeling less that 'clean'. Would you allow one of your children to continually make the other feel bad about some area in their life that was just different, but not wrong?
The fact that your lifestyles are different isn't an excuse either. I know of many couples that are polar opposites. My wife and I certainly are. Personally, I am VERY glad that she is different from me. There is no a way a relationship could survive two of me :-)
I will step way out and make you a promise. If in the next three months, the two of you work toward a happy medium in your marriage, I promise you will be back fully in love with your husband, and he you.
MM, you are not alone in your relational inequities. I own a high profile technology business. I have designed instrumentation in use around the globe. I am an accomplished pilot. I also engineer and build structures of all types. I have done robotic design. One of my daughters earliest memories is the time we spent together building her robot. I have other interests as well. I only need about 5 hours of sleep a night.
My wife loves to garden, sew and travel. She is perfectly content to sit in the evening and cross stitch.
She didn't want to go back to work once our daughter was in college. Regardless, she knew that I was having a very hard time with my business, so 8 years ago, she sucked it up, learned what she needed to know and now manages day to day operations. That is a *tough* task.
I am telling you this to demonstrate two very difficult and different people that have figured out how to live together in a constructive way. I will also tell you that it is NOT an easy task.
You can find a million reasons to end your marriage. What you have to realize is that your marriage is at least minimally functional. It can be repaired, modified and improved - IF - you want to work at it. IT will take both of you to do so.
If after you have exhausted your efforts and your husband won't engage in the effort with you, then you are left to fix only yourself. In that case, you have to take whatever action you can live with.
Felix and Oscar CAN live together IF Felix and Oscar want to.
The real issue is about choices. Your husband has a right to know how serious the situation is. I don't mean yelling it at him or busting his chops or changing the way you interact with him while he is clueless as to WHY. Lay it out for him in a manner that he understands. You are the smart one in the relationship, you can do this.
Once he understands, the the process can start. Once the process starts BOTH of you will change.
Let me know what you think. -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
