I find that when I get in this "we are nothing alike" space, I tend to overemphasize our differences and all of a sudden the gulf seems like the Grand Canyon. Other times, I am fully aware that we are polar opposites but it doesn't seem to be something that will eventually drive us apart.
Does your H try to meet you halfway, at times? If so, then I think this might be as good as it gets...both of you attempting to tone down your oppositional traits that drive the other cuckoo, and then pursuing the things that make you happy on an individual basis. Personally, I think this is the gist of differentiation.
If he never tries to meet you and stays in Felix Unger mode all the time then THIS is the issue you would want to address, don't you think?
I find that it is all too easy for me to lie to myself, as well. I tell myself that I was attracted to him for XYZ reason..I was young, I didn't know this or that , but the truth is that I was attracted to his personality for a reason and there is still something there that appeals to me on some (masochistic, lol) level. For instance, I liked the fact that I 'wowed' him on a sexual level. I did not realize at the time that this would, in later years, translate into him getting over the wow stage and simply being "content". I was definitely in charge of our sexual encounters..the teacher, if you will. Now I resent the hell out of that role. But who am I to be surprised that it has progressed to this?
I am not relating this example to you because I think MW had any of these tendencies but just to say that we all chose our mates for one reason or another and, given the chance to be able to choose another one, I would probably choose someone whose personality did NOT mesh with mine in a fairly significant way.
Is this because I like a challenge? Is it because that is what keeps it fresh for me? Is it human nature? Is it some variation of that pukey line in Jerry Maguire 'you complete me'?? LOLOL
