Yes, every situation is certainly unique. The reason I thought of it is because someone in the thread (don't know if it was you) was talking about "respect" and that is really what the "surrendering" stuff is about - meaning you're not "surrendered" if not by your own choice. Too bad it's not a different "word" that is used - as "surrender" has some negative connotations. In any event, I think the gist of it is about taking care of yourself and respecting your spouse. When I believe my spouse behaves like an idiot, it is very difficult to have utmost respect for him. This errodes what closeness we may have to salvage. AND it is also about taking care of myself so that I don't have an idiot controlling my life . But I *have* realized is that I give my advice way too soon and too often. Since I've been allowing him to make more decisions for himself and for us (by merely keeping my mouth shut), he has felt more comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings with me, which breeds intimacy. AND, I've discovered that he does have the capacity to make intelligent decisions when he isn't trying to keep me happy by acommodating to my unsolicited advice. It is not a cure-all, but it can help things immensely. Since I've been reading the book I have noticed times (that went unnoticed before) where I have really hurt him by saying something that I thought was just necessary to say for my own self righteousness, or I thought it was a no-brainer - so why would he take it so personally?

All of this writing is more theraputic for me, then trying to convince anyone of anything - thanks for letting me butt in