Have you ever read "The Surrendered Wife?" You can read the intro and the first chapter here http://www.surrenderedwife.com/chapterone.html

It has really helped me in my relationship with my LDH. Some of the stuff in this post really seems like it might help give you a perspective that you may not have had in awhile (or ever). I've come to realize some of my part in our relationship problems this way. Not to say that he doesn't have is own part! To the contrary! But it does help me focus on myself and how I am contributing to the distance or closeness in our relationship.