MM, You are beginning to look at your past behavior and see that you have been self-defeating. Relationships are hard; we all make compromises and sacrifices and hope for a greater good. You are angry about betraying yourself, and this is a time when you can focus again on your needs. It really is an exciting time, once you forgive yourself for the self hurt...you yourself said in an eloquent post that we need to embrace the part of us that wasn't healthy because it served a function at the time.
You and I are both at the same point in our lives. My "baby" will be turning 10 next week, I achieved a modicum of success professionally and have cut back, I already turned the big 4-0, and I have time to think about me and my needs again. I like the term " mid life evaluation."
It's an emotional time, but you are on your way to making positive changes as you renegotiate your relationship. No more enabling hubby...continue to express your wants/needs clearly in a no-nonsense way, and watch his responses. He may kick and scream, but my bet is that he will grow up some.
