As you can see, I've changed my name back to GGB. The honeymoon is over, and things have settled back more or less the way they were. I've been reading PM, but frankly it seems so foreign that I think I'd f*ck things up more than they already are rather than fixing anything if I tried to do it without some guidance. I guess the next step then is finding a counselor that can help rather than spend a bunch of time delving into our childhoods. I looked through the phone book, and there must be at least a hundred marriage counselors listed. Many list all sorts of services, not just marriage, and none list PM. How in heaven's name do I find one that is really going to help???
I looked at the PM website, and it looks like they are not doing the weekends anymore. We can't reasonably get out to colorado for a week or more without the kids to partake of the intensive therapy. The logistics are just too much with 5 kids ranging from 14 to 6mos, and no family locally.
From what I've been able to gather, PM is not used by the majority of therapists. Any wisdom on how to proceed?
I don't know where to find a PM therapist. From what I have read, be careful and screen your counselors BEFORE you waste money. You will want to make sure the you get a pro-marriage counselor. From what I have been told, there are a lot of counselors that more or less try to grease the move toward divorce.
Caveat emptor!
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Why not ask them if they are familiar with Schnarch's crucible approach? If they say, "huh?" then don't go to them.
I have asked counselors about their training, education, philosophy etc., but you have to realize that they are going to make themselves sound as good as possible.
You might call someone at the number on Schnarch's website to see if any counselors in your area have gone through his training.
I know that if my H and I ever make it into a C, I plan on asking them if they're familiar with Michelle Weiner-Davis, and if so, what they think of her approach to relationships. :-D
If you're religious, you might consider asking your pastor or church leader if there's anybody he/she would recommend. With their exposure to the couples in their churches, they'd be most likely to know of at least one or two who have had positive results. Then ask them about the authors/titles/approaches, and see what they say. (-:
I am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me
We actually flew to Coloroado and had a 3-day intensive with Ruth Morehouse. Then she recommended someone near (1 1/2 hours away) our area. I personally think the difference between "regular" marriage counseling and a PM counselor are worth any effort - especially if you've already been through "good" and "reputable" counselors and hit dead ends like we did.
Contact Schnarch for referrals in your area at http://www.passionatemarriage.com . If they can't find someone for you, then go to the http://www.aamft.org/index_nm.asp AAMFT website and get a list of counsellors near you. Call each one and casually ask what they think of Schnarch and if they seem like they are fans, then ask them if they use some of his techniques in the sessions.
My current counselor isn't on Schnarch's list, but she is a big fan and mixes some of that into her counseling and we are having some good results so far. I lucked out. It might be a better choice to find a male C because men sometimes take an aggressive "fix it" approach.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
