Ok, to recap the weekend, I'll try to go day by day. interesting (i.e. confusing to me!) stuff going on, and I could sure use anyones thoughts on what to make of it, what I should do.
Thursday/Friday, I sensed the H was a little more "distant" emotionally. This comes close to throwing me into a state of panic because int he past it has meant things with OW were flaring back up. Friday afternoon, we were folding laundry together and I asked H if he was angry or upset with me about something, told him I sensed that he was emotionally more distant and that sometimes that had meant he was upset, and I had avoided dealing with that in the past. Told him that part of my "new leaf" was that I was going to deal with issues rather than "stuffing" them, because I felt like that contributed to our problems, so I would like to know from him if there was something "up"....H said there wasnt, that he wasnt angry at me, but that he was experiencing a lot of anger over the break up. That he was so mad at OW for being such a manipulative self-serving something or other (don't recall what), and that he was so mad at himself for being such a sucker and falling for it. That it had nothing to do with me/us. I asked him to promise me that if things came up that were bothersome to him in our R, that he would talk to me about them, and that I would do the same. He promised, and gave me a hug.

Later I took a nap, and he came into the room to wake me up, said he'd give me a hug if I wanted one, I got up and we had a nice hug....H thanked me for loving him so much, said he could tell from the way I treated him, that I was so patient and kind and forgiving with him....I joked and said "o, you read that big 1st Corinthians poster I pasted on the wall"....he was serious and said well, it's true, it's so different from the self-serving stuff that some people try to pass off as love"....

Several times over the weekend, H said I Love you and apologized for the hurt and "mess" he caused.

Saturday and Sunday, H switched from being angry to big time sadness/grieving. cried and cried and cried, just so sad it's almost overwhelming to me. I am not sure how to handle this, I just hug him, tell him I love him and to let me know how I can help. He says he needs to hear ILY, and needs lots of affection right now, and other than that he has to work through it on his own.

He commented again "If you don't want me, now is the time to let me go"....I hate hearing that. I told him I want him and love him very much, and asked if he wanted me to let him go, and he said "no".

Saturday night was absolutely weird. We just "hung out"...Sat at the dining room table to watch a football game (I don't believe in having a TV in the dining room, but that's another story) right now though I'm kind of glad it's there because H sometimes hangs out there while I am in the kitchen. H asked me to watch the game with him, so I threw in the towel (literally) and did. H took my hand very tenderly on the table top, and held it, for a long, long time. He fiddled with my diamond. He smiled at me....and then he flirted naughtily. I said I was excited about something with him (don't remember what) and he said very quietly "I'm excited you have big boobs" this is totally out of character for H, I was so shocked my mouth dropped open, and I said "did you say....????? I can't believe you said that!" and he winked at me.

later we were talking about how long it has taken us to figure out what we have about our R/M, and H commented "we'll make it to 50." All this time he's been holding my hand. (neither of us was paying a lot of attention to the game, obviously)

At half time, we hugged, and H started being "handsy", I told him he needed to be discreet as S was around, and he said "lets go upstairs", so we did, ML, but it was so weird, H wasnt able to perform very well, said he was so tired??????? So we went back and watched part of the 2nd 1/2, H went to bed before the game was over. weird. I'd guess he was overcome by thoughts of OW but I don't know what to do about it.

Sunday, H was still loving and sweet. I cleaned living room carpet and he mentioned how much he appreciated my efforts and how nice it looked; at one point I mentioned wishing the weekend wouldnt end so soon, and H said he was glad it would, because going to work and being busy helped him and he does better during the week . he commented that we would be going to my brothers this weekend (for my "surprise" b-day party) and that would be better than "moping around here"....

I've been sleeping nude because it feels so nice and warm to snuggle up to him, and he tells me it's comforting and helps him sleep better. last night he came to bed without a shirt, the better to snuggle. This morning he initiated ILY, seemed pleasant and loving, but hasnt responded in kind to my email....ah, well

Has anyone else experienced this back and forth emotional stuff after the ending of an A? any tips on the best way to deal with it????? ANY insights at all would be greatly appreciated!!!!! I'm finding this really challenging!

been around awhile!