Ok, I'm going to try to redo the post I lost earlier today. to recap from last night: H got home about 8:30, did a mile on the treadmill, came to the dining room, sat at the table and started talking, talked until 11, telling me bits and pieces of the A/R w/OW. He said that he had planned to leave and be at her house by Christmas, that when they were on the mountain trip in Nov., she bought an ornament with both their names on it. This didnt surprise me, because when the bomb 1st dropped mid-Oct he absolutely wouldnt commit to being home over the holidays. He said he stayed because S begged him to, the poor kid was so upset it broke his heart, and OW was really angry about it. That explains her ugly looks at church on xmas eve. That he told her that as a mother she should understand, he didnt believe she would be able to leave and break her child's heart at christmas either, and that upset her more.
H said he began to believe that if he watched and waited, it would become clear to him where he belonged, that it would become obvious eventually where the "real" love was. H said that when he talked about what he needed and was dissatisfied with, I took it to heart, gave it careful consideration, and tried my darnedest to find a way to do it. That OW never did anything like that, that he even tried to tell her what he needed, and she became more and more angry, resentful and demanding.
He said it began to make him crazy because she was so angry and jealous, and he never knew when she was going to blow up at him over something he didnt even know he had done. H said she would throw a fit if she heard him say "hi" to a female coworker in the hall, sometimes she would be mad and pouting and he couldnt even remember who he'd said hi to. I was flabbergasted, told him I insisted on having credit that I never had and never would do such a thing, that I couldn't believe it, he agreed.
H said that under different circumstances he thought OW and I would probably be good friends, that we have a lot of the same interests. bleh.
That he had changed the times he went to see her because he missed going to church. I had wondered if that was it.
H asked if I remembered grabbing him by the front of his blue sweatshirt and shaking him when I found out about the A....I didn't, but after he mentioned it I kind of do. He was actually laughing and said, "well, she used to do the same thing only she did it a lot. I got the s--t shook out of me in that shirt, so I finally stopped wearing it!" It's kind of humorous now, sure wasnt at the time.
He said that when we were on vacation this summer and I was getting after him for calling her (I only did it a couple of times!) that he kept calling and calling her cell phone and no one ever answered, he couldnt figure it out. turns out OW's dog had carried the cell phone into her back yard and put it with her toys. I laughed till I cried over that, said "well, at least CC (the dog) was on my side!" Of course H called on the regular phone when he couldnt get through on the cell
After we went to bed, H said "I'm so sorry, I shouldnt keep blubbering on about this" I told him it actually helps me to feel better because I have a little more insight into things. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to hear sexual details, though. Don't think he'd want to share them.
H also made the comment that "I sure never want to get involved in anything like this again, it was terrible" and he looked very sincere and certain when he said it.
this morning, we talked a little bit....I told him I loved the romance I'd discovered in him, but that I never knew he liked it, he said again he had never got to have it so he never knew. I told him I'd thought long and hard to understand how romance and sex were different, and finally started to get an inkling. H agreed that there is a difference, but said "one can enhance the other" I told him ILY many times, he responded and initiated it, I comment I hoped I wasnt over doing it, and he said he didnt think it was possible to hear it to often but that people don't tell each other enough out of pride and anger and hurt, and then they drift apart. I said I never want to have that happen to us again, and he said "it won't"
I am finally starting to feel confident that he's back, that OW is history. praise the Lord! I just feel "in my bones" that he would NOT be sharing all this with me if it wasnt truely over, and he intends for it to stay over. This is new behavior, that has come on slowly over about the last month.
Well, gonna post this before I lose it again. gotta pick up S in a minute from religous ed class.
