So many good things here! You are the DB pro! To be able to listen to your H talk about OW just proves how much you want this marriage to work. Keep it up!
Now, I don't have any experience in this OW area....I hope I never do! (Guess time will tell on that score.) So take what I say with caution and wait for the pros to jump in before you act on it.
But it seems to me that your H gave you permission (at least twice) to help him take care of the OW if she starts acting up and causing trouble. In fact, I think his "permission" was basically..."Deb, handle this". hahaha
So I don't think that I would have a problem telling her..."Hey, OW you lost, it's over, now don't make a fool of yourself. My H tells me that you can be a little crazy with your temper, but let me warn you that you've never seen crazy until you mess with my family..."
But, of course, I think you better wait and get advise from someone that has some experience with these things. They may advise that you just let your H handle things as this is his mess in the first place and he possibly could resent you for getting involved.
No matter what you do I still think that you should practice those lines in front of a mirror! I think it will make you feel better.
