So much happened this weekend I need sort through it.
I'm also going to need some input on what to expect from semi-psychotic OW. It's kind of scary.

H and I were alone most of the weekend & H began to really let his guard down, and give me some insight into stuff that 's been going on. it explains some of the weirdness

Friday...At noon the phone rang and H answered, I heard him say "NO NOT NOW" in an angry voice. I knew it was OW, asked H who it was, he said it was D calling about picking up S....that didnt make sense, I checked caller ID and sure enough it was OW calling from her cell. I decided it was past time for playing games, asked H straight out why he lied to me about OW calling, he said "because I was afraid you would get mad". I asked him what she said, and he said she asked if he could talk, thus his not now reply. I told him I didnt think I could "do it" anymore if he went back to her again, and he said he isnt. I asked why she called then, and he said "I think to make trouble big time, she knows you're here now" and he seemed very irritated. I told him I just didnt think I could live with this much more, and he said "just divorce me now then"....I told him I didn't want to divorce him and he started to look tearful and hugged me.

So, we had a discussion, he said that he got an email from her Thursday at work that she had needed help with her mom Wednesday night - there's an unlisted number in caller ID, she must have tried to call him when I was at S's class, and H was out walking....

As we talked, H became irritated/angry towards her; he started to talk about that he does believe she has a big time psychiatric disorder, that he told her that and really got her angry, talked about her anger being such a predominate feature, how her mom and sister are really odd, that her BIL will have nothing to do with any of them, that her sister feels she can't have children because her marriage couldnt survive it, that OW has a brother who is a "mess" (didn't elaborate) and her B's S has a pretty good criminal record. OW is real evasive about her family, and that made H begin to wonder. H talked about how angry OW gets, and that at his suggestion she got some anger management books but "never read them"....how she would get mad when he mentioned such issues and ask "who do you think you are, Junior Therapist"...to which he would tell her, "Acutally I KNOW I'm a Senior Therapist and I've seen this a million times so it's pretty clear to me" and that used to REALLY set her off. Convo ended with him saying " guess I'll have you answer the phone when it rings" to which I tactfully replied "can I can I can I????) and H said "If she shows up here you can run her off".

Saturday Morning -- H didn't go do PAPER WORK!!!!! 2nd weekend in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H suggested we could have a "nice evening together" and asked if we could have candles in the living room. He went for a walk by himself, I ran to the store while he was gone, expected to be back before him, but he got back first, when I came in he met me at the door with a hug and this "lost sheep" look on his face, gave me a kiss and said "I've been missing you"....made a suggestion that maybe we needed to take a nap...so I got lunch on, we went to "nap" and didn't sleep....H was saying he wanted to ML "now and later" meaning evening after S was gone.

Somehow in the afternoon we got into a discussion about the A/OW, and H was just all over the place. he cried, literally bawled, that he didnt know how on earth he could have been so stupid. H said Thursday they had quite an email exchange, that she is so good at playing the victim, and he told her on Thursday he is sick of her playing the victim, she's not a victim, that all she is is a hot tempered, manipulative whore who tried to steal another womans H and is mad because it didnt work That all she can ever see is what's in a sitch for her, and that nothing or nobody else's needs makes any difference to her. said he told her all her letters, etc, were nothing but manipultive flowery trash and that is where they are going to go; that he told her he has friends and has no need of someone like her to try to fill that role, but he hopes and assumes that they can function at work as colleagues when necessary. that he doesnt want to see or hear from her, that he will try to make sure he is in and out of the office before she gets to work so they don't have to see each other, and will try to make sure he doesnt on Tuesdays. GO H, GO!!!!

Sat. Nite, H initiated ML again, but it didnt work very well for him...I think he was just so emotionally distraught.

Yesterday, we talked more...H had that "hit by a truck" look and started to sob, said he hated himself for being so mean to her, for the things he said, and he can't believe he ws so mean, it just is not in him to be like that, but it was what it took to get her to leave him alone. Then he sobbed harder and said, over and over, he cant' believe what a stupid fool he has been. He's probably told me a dozen times how sorry he is. He told me that she used to pressure and harangue him the whole time he was with her, and fight and he felt so emotionally wiped out/shattered from it that he began to hate being there and to long for home..evidently it got to the point that she would spend pretty much the whole time he was around pressuring him to leave me and move in with her.

He said her ardor cooled noticably when he pointed out that he intended to make our house payments if he did leave, and he would be pretty broke. and she started to talk then about the extra jobs/work he could take on.....(I've always told him we would figure out a way to get by, that we are not destitute by any means and that his time with his family is more important than extra money)...H said he told her "ok, my resume's ready and I'm sending it to Wyoming, you send your's and lets see what we can get" and then she started saying "no, we wouldnt make much in Wyoming and my mother needs help here", and he began to think "what, I'm supposed to give up everything and you don't intend to give anything?"

I told h S has told me about OW's D showing him pics of all OW's old bf's, S would ask her what happened, and her D would say "he couldnt get enough money and so mom broke up with him", "he couldnt provide well enough so mom left" and on and on. H said he didn't doubt it at all, he doesnt know how many she's been after but her D used to talk to him, and then OW would make sure her D wsnt able to talk to him, H says he hasnt seen her D since she came back from her dad's at the start of school, so that tells him somethings up...and that OW's ex-livin bf, whom H helped her move out from, was po'd at the time because he'd figured out that she was in contact with some other guy (in addition to my H). That OW was cheating on her X-H when they were engaged, but didnt' consider it cheating because they werent married.

At one point he made the comment that "I don't know how many there have been, and I can't figure out how she operates like she does, because she's UGLY and she's NASTY" (my sentiments exactly for this whole time, and a question that's been on my mind )

This morning H was loving and tender, hugged and kissed me, told me he loved me unsolicited, that he knew now I'm the one who loves him because I've "walked the walk all this time"....

I asked him at one point if he thinks she will leave him alone, and he said "yes I do", if that's what he wants, he said "yes it is", asked again if he really thinks she will, and he said "if she intends to keep her job she will", so that makes me kind of nervous, I hope this thing can die with out it getting any uglier.

H told me that last November when he & OW were on the trip to the mountains, he missed me terribly and "it just didnt seem right". He called me every night then, and said she used to "pitch one helluva fit every time" and then sulk and pout all night (hehehehehe, oh darn). I guess his parents called him three times while he was there and that made her even angrier. I didnt know they'd called, he thought I'd "sic'd" them on him. Said he was glad they called because "I guess I just needed to know someone cared".

H told me that OW REALLY threw fits before we left for vacation the end of June, and things got really bad this summer, that after we got back she began threatening suicide. I figured she was going to do something like that.

On a lighter side, he said OW cant cook at all, he got sick of sandwiches and microwave ramen noodles and frozen pizza . I guess my belief that steaks and shrimp and cheesecake and special beers would help stack the deck was right on target.


H has been so tender and loving and demonstrative this weekend, I can't believe it. It is wonderful


been around awhile!