Last night was interesting. I was so anxious during the day, because it was H's day "here" where OW is, and I didnt hear much from him.
I think it was a good evening, though. H got home about 8:30 and was MUCH more cheerful than he has been. I asked if he was feeling better, and he answered "yes, I think so"...now the awful thing is, it scares me when he cheers up because I'm scared to death it means he's back w/OW again. We sat at the table and talked for about an hour, which was nice, one of my goals from way back. He went to change clothes and do the tread mill, and when he into the kitchen, he came to me, pulled me into his arms and hugged me, and said "I love you very much" (unsolicited). H initiated ml...I was beginning to wonder if that would ever happen again. He was enthusiastic. this morning he was cheerful and pleasant, enough so that it made me nervous. I know that's awful, but I can't seem to help it, I've had my hopes crushed so many times before. Against my better judgement, as we were hugging, I asked him if "the other thing is really over?" he said "yes, it is, why do you think it isn't?" and was just a tinge irritated. I told him I had no reason to believe it wasnt, but that I was just afraid to believe it actually was. His tone softened then, and he hugged me and said "well it is". As we were getting ready to leave for work, he again said unsolicited "I love you a lot". I just feel so fragile right now, so frightened that my hopes will be dashed again, I don't know the answer to that.
It turns out that OW used to call him some of the names I did...Gorgeous Guy for instance, and that's why he'd get mad when I called him that. So I told him I'd have to come up with new names, and we joked about what might be available...He said "God would work fine"....I told him I was thinking more along the lines of "Hunk/Hottie", he said those were untaken by OW...so maybe it's good that we can start to joke a little about stuff. I don't know. Don't know what to think anymore. I am thinking though that I need to start checking out the KLA forum. does it have info on "rebuilding"? I've been so focused on trying to get to this point, I've never even looked at it.
