Quote: How long did it take your H to wake up to the point of hating the OW?????
It was different both times. I told him once I found out about the PA, that if he wanted to be with me, he had no choice but to cut off all contact with xow. That one was painful to watch (the withdrawal). But he also "recovered" much more quickly, because he had minimal contact with her.
There was a whole lot more to that one. She really messed with his head. I think that's why he hated her so much, so fast. Once he wasn't around her, she couldn't manipulate him, and he was able to snap back into reality.
Normally I'm not the type to "excuse" that sort of behavior...or buy into the "manipulation" idea. But, again, she tapped into something in him psychologically that had him on the run. The joke on her is she thought it meant he would run to her...hah!...it just meant he wanted to run in general.
So, I think that's why he snapped out of it much more quickly.
With xrm...well...I think he saw it, but didn't believe it for awhile. I think there was this side of him that kept hoping his "friend" would come back out of the crazy lady. Even after he did really see her for her, he kept defending her...because he was defending his own actions and decisions. I'd say he only really started to quit defending xrm/his actions in the last month or so.
I can tell you there seems to be a couple of patterns that I have noticed... Part of it depends on how much contact is still going on. And another big part of it depends on how pushy and disrespectful the OP is being. Oh...and I also think it matters how long they were involved. I can't say it will take X amount of days.
I can tell you that you will hear more and more insults in regards to OW.
Quote: I'm curious, why the heck do you suppose they tell the OW how great we are??????
I think it just goes to show where they really want to be. Like I said, H talked constantly about me to xow. Of course, he also had no clue she was interested in him--he thought she was a good friend helping him to learn how to deal with pesonal issues.
Quote: According to H, it used to INFURIATE OW.
LOL, I just think it's funny. Just another example of why the OP should have known better.
Quote: All I can figure out is that maybe it was a way of maintaining "space", or conveying the message in an indirect way that he wasnt going to commit to her.....
I'm guessing it's the subconcious talking. On some deeper level he knew he wasn't really going to leave you. JMHO.
I'm certain this is what it was with H and xow. He told me he never really wanted to leave, but he thought (and she convinced him) that it was the only way to "fix his problems." Probably why he came back so fast the first time.
I do know he didn't talk about me nearly as much with xrm. Actually, he told me he didn't tell her much about his personal life, period. I guess something I had said once about how affairs start stuck in his head, and he was actually trying to maintain some emotional distance there.
I know for me, what really helps is knowing that I'm not the only one who has these weird experiences. I wonder what these guys would think if they realized how they all sound exactly the same???
Just another example of why the OP should have known better. 