Ok, a minute to post.
H got home from work yesterday eve, and I was laying in bed cause I'd been home sick and felt LOUSY....any way, we started talking, he was warm and friendly, and I said something "mushy"...then kind of apologized for it, and he said "it's ok, I have 25 years of not hearing it to make up for, I never got to hear it"....I was shocked and went and hugged him, he hugged back, held me actually, and whispered in my ear that "that other thing is over, no going back this time"....now notice I am CALM this time, but I can't help but think H means it....he was calmer, less distressed, seemed more "at peace", "determined" with the decision? We talked a lot, he said that he had come to see that he was so infatuated with her, "just like you said"...I told him that had made him so angry I decided it was counter productive and stopped saying it, and he said "yes, but I was listening and began to look and began to see it after a while"....He said he came to see that I'm the better person who truely loves him, that everything with her had to be her way, there was no compromise, said I was a "class person (so does that mean it's good I resisted the urge to punch her lights out?)...He snickered in a naughty way and said he'd always told her that and it really used to make her PO'd...
He said he started to see her angry, personality disordered side, how she only wanted what she wanted and didn't care about what she did to anyone else to get it, didn't care how devastated other people would be as long as she got what she wanted, commented " I suppose I did seem like quite a catch after what she was used to"...
Told me how mean and nasty and angry she gets, how she has trouble bonding to people, how she would tell him they would "just leave" and go off together, it would be ok,....how he would say "no I cant do that" that he couldnt stand the thought of giving up not just our little family but our rowdy big extended families, and she would get mad about that....told me about her break up with her live-in boyfriend, (another mess), and on and on.
H said that he began to more and more want to be at home rather than with her/at her place, that that started last winter with the movie nights/fireplace and that it just grew, he realizes how good God has been to us and what a miracle it is to have made it as far as we have....

He also said the letter I gave him Saturday night was the deciding factor (I've written on it and rewritten and carried it around for months, almost threw it away) So, I guess some of the things I've done have been right....He also said he'd always wanted "us" to work out.....

I did tell H that I felt excited, that it felt like I was just REALLY getting to know him for the first time after all these years, and he commented "you probably are"....

He went for a walk, asked me when he got back if I'd written him a long letter, when I told him no but I had been working on something for him, he said he could write them to, & I told him I'd LOVE to get one....so we shall see.

Oh, he also OW was not able to understand concepts and relationships, that she wasn't able to make changes in her life, he thinks she's bright enough but she just cant "grasp it"...and that she doesnt seem to have the ablity to look at situations from outside her point of view. interesting, I guess he's REALLY noticed the changes I've tried to make, although the morphing is far from complete (never will be done, probably)

H worries about OW's D, and the environment she provides her (doesnt provide is more like it), that she's probably an unidentified gifted child who feels so lost and alone, and will end up pregnant at 14. Sad, sad situation.

So anyway, I hope and pray this is IT....someone posted on my thread once that I would "know" when it was done....I THINK I know.

I've learned so very much in this process, so much more to learn! I feel like we're maybe just now standing on the "starting line" together ready to move forward.

Pray for me, all!

been around awhile!