I was sound asleep, and heard H exclaim "oh crap" and he jumped out of bed and ran, I think, into the bathroom...woke me up, I was thinking "WTF????" well it seems the alarm he sets to go off at 5:15 so he can call OW didnt go off ( I DID NOT sabotage it, I SWEAR on the Bible!) and he told me later the clock said 7:45 and he ran into the bathroom so he could see his watch...it was actually 5:45. I don't think he had time to call OW, if he did it was very short, like about 2 minutes!!!!!! wonder what she thinks of that?
I stumbled into the bathroom kind of disoriented, H said he forgot my coffee, should he go get it? I told him it was ok, I'd get some in a bit....and bless his heart, about 2 minutes later he stopped in the middled of shaving, with shaving cream on 1/2 his face still, went downstairs and brought me a nice mug of fresh, steamy coffee. I was so touched, I saw that as a real act of love, and told him thanks, that was a very loving thing, and hugged him.
Last night I was "hit" by the thought of how terribly down and discouraged and alone and depressed he must have been when I was so distant. Before I left for work, I hugged him close, told him I loved him and that I've been such a fool...he hugged back and said he had also been a fool....then he suggested we would need to find some "naughty time tonight"...told him it works for me.
I don't know, I keep reminding myself "no expectations, no expectations, don't believe what he says", but it FEELS like we are inching closer together in the teeniest tiniest increments. I believe we are both terrified of being hurt again so badly by the other.
I told him last night I was working on another letter, and he told me he loves to get them.....I never would have guessed that, ever, after all these years.
I think it was PSLuke who mentioned she'd thought of trying to be the OW, so I'm thinking really hard along the lines of how i might start to do that, how I might romance him a little at a time. He really seems to crave it. so weird.
