thinking, thinking, thinking, always thinking on this stuff. It occurred to me that "pursuit" to a certain extent seems to be a very effective technique with H right now, in fact it seems to be the only thing that has really positive results....I don't know if I posted last thursday, but I got an email from him that said "I don't like it when you pull back and withdraw"...
It's occurred to me yesterday and this morning that I HAVE always been somewhat distant, because I thought that was the way I "should" be (not sure where I got that idea), but also I really thought that was what H preferred. At the same time, I truely believe now that H NEEDS lots of displays of affection and verbal affirmation....he would never ever admit it or let on, but from the way he responds, I've come to believe that he must be/have been feeling really empty and alone inside, and that's how OW got her shot at him. I'm convinced some of this, much of it in fact, comes from his childhood. His parents are well-meaning, but terribly judgemental and "cold" towards their boy children, not to mention being intrusive. So here we have arrived at this mess, not because we didnt love each other, but because we didnt understand each others needs and were afraid to really push/explore....so we just pulled back and retreated and became more and more miserable and distant and hurt and vulnerable. Sad Interesting that this seems so crystal clear to me this morning and it has taken me so long to get to this point of being able to see it. I feel in my gut that this is right, though.
