I don't know how wise it is, but if it works I guess it works. Weird, but H & I have had an email conversation this morning.I know Sage, that's against your advice...and I usually follow that kind of a suggestion to a "T" but it's almost like all this pent-up stuff came pouring out...more from him than I usually get, and I felt like I could say what I thought with out getting upset. I've been observing our responses to each other from an emotional view point. I see him coming close when I back up...he actually kind of hung in there today and we discussed communication issues.
I responded to his first email, about not getting to say good bye, pretty much in line with Sage's suggestion: "thanks for the note, I appreciate it. Hope your day goes well, too. The leg is about the same, maybe not as sore." his response was a surprise, 3 words: WHY SO COLD? (certainly got his attention) I replied that I was having a tough time not being emotional, and he wrote back that he understood. he replied that it made sense and he was sorry, I did say ILY (I know, 2x4) and then got this reply.
Quote: I LOVE YOU TOO. I don't know what happened for those 10 long years, but it was so great in the beginning and it has been so much better for the past 6 months. Please just hang in there today. DB
I know not to get my hopes up, but it does give me a glimmer of encouragement that he admitted it WAS great (used to say it was a mistake we ever got married, it was just a rebound thing) and to hear him acknowledge that things have been so much better in the last 6 months is so helpful. Frankly it affirms that my perceptions and instincts are not "whacko" and I have been doing some things right, and he has noticed and liked the changes. for him to admit things have been better feels huge. he's NEVER done that before. Could be he's just stringing me along, but we had a discussion we've never had before about emotions and honesty and he can't understand the no ILY guideline, and thinks that's part of what got us into trouble, and he doesnt like it when I pull back and withdraw emotionally....actually said those exact words, "I don't like it when" that is helpful...I can work with knowing what doesnt work just as well as what does....and I can look for new ways that are better, although that will be hard, because I think this is a long-standing pattern of behavior. It was kind of exciting to be able to have this kind of "real" discussion, even if it was by email
