A lot has changed in the SD household in the last couple of weeks and it looks as if my SSM blues are in the past. Before I explain I'll remind you of my past situation. 22 years SSM from wedding night onwards. 3x per year mercy sex with no contribution from ND(Negative Desire)W. Children conceived with ease. Never had a bj or hj despite me giving her lovely bjs. Cuddling and pecking but no kissing. W has a very strong personality and tends to make all decisions. SD flits around telling jokes and begging for attention.
February 2004 I read TSSM and joined this forum. Tried to get W to read book but she wouldn't. Managed to negotiate Friday night "Just do it" with 50% success. Read PM Made some personality changes: Stopped being angry. Stopped looking for validation from W. Cut out low value needy behaviour such as begging for hugs etc. Stopped saying things like Do you want to ML tonight? Would you like to ML? How about some LM? etc. which all get the answer "NO!" and result in a sleepless night of dispair and started saying things like. I'd really like to ML to you tonight. I'd love to be inside you for a while. ML twice a week will be fantastic. and any other way I can think of that expresses what I want and does not ask a question. I have also started phrasing things this way for other things such as. Old way: SD "Is it alright if I go flying this morning". W "No because MIL is coming for lunch and I want you to clean the house". New way: SD "I'm going flying this morning. Do you want me to buy you a newspaper". W "No that's OK. MIL is coming for lunch so I have to clean up a bit".
This seems to be making me much more desirable in her eyes. It has been a gradual process but all of a sudden it has translated into more frequent LM! Thursday before last (ie not a Friday) we were in bed and I held her hand. After a while I thought I'd let go (as in The Hug - whoever lets go first is the least needy) and she said "No" and held on so I gave her a nice back massage then made a move and she did not resist. The following Monday I said that I'd really like to be inside her for a while and she just lay back and let it happen! Last Friday I massaged her back for a while then she just rolled over and put her leg over mine which was very much a come on to me. Wonderful!
Oh I forgot to mention I bought her "How to make great love to a man" - and she read it!!!
I have a feeling that the ice has been broken at last and we will get better and better. I really hope so. Needless to say you will find out if it all goes wrong! SD
