Hi Maya - These little things, which form firm habits over time, may look benign, but I am now utterly convinced can cause fairly serious damage. The pity of it is that we drift into these roles with the best of intentions

I started this thread hoping to understand NG. In fact, my earliest post contained the following:

We had a brief chat about how he regretted the hurt all this has caused, and when I asked him if he regretted the affair, his response was he does not understand WHY the affair happened, and so how can he regret something he does not understand.


Alas, this is still the case. Execpt I now understand that NG would prefer we never talk about his affair any more. And I know that for me, there is much that remains unresolved. While he still feels fragile - the 'termination email' is just 2 months old, I think I need to back off and really, really focus on just myself. In a strange way, this is the only subject that we disagree on. Anything else I ask for, in Mars language, I am getting - so really, I should not dwell on what's not possible.

Much of the turmoil now is how I handle the next phase, when NG is clearly not ready for him. I know I need to move to a place where I can let go the hurt, but the process muct include remorse from NG, and his current frame of mind is not one of regret, but rather of denial

I'm going to move to new digs, one that is more about me in this piecing drama. As Pattie puts it, it is time for me now. Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time