Quote: Validate his feelings. Let him know that you can see how compassionate he is and then, let him know that if he really cares about her feelings, he will realize how important it is FOR HER, to get a clear message from him.
If he backtracks on his previous message he is really opening an aold wound for her. SHe needs to understand that it is over so that she can move on. If he backtracks she will never believe that it is over and she will be caught in limbo land forever.
This just really struck a chord with me...H says he's trying to get rid of his OW, but she won't leave him alone. He has told her to move on with her life, to find someone else, told me that he will not talk to her for two or three days (duhh), is mean to her and she just won't leave him alone. My H thinks and tells OW he is only home for our S. Now if I were the OW why would I quit pursuing when it's very clear to her that H is only home for our S! My H needs to tell her "I'm home to work on my marriage PERIOD!" and then let OW go in word and action, so that she can move on with her life.
OW is my H's safety net for now as my H is OW's safety net (she never fully grieved and got over the death of her H and to have to face that and the fact that she almost ruined another's marriage--rumor is she's looking pretty hagard these days too). My H is still not sure what he wants to do if he's able to face himself and the consequences of all his actions. If he gives up OW cold turkey, he will HAVE to FACE himself..I can't imagine the terror H must feel. So for now, when he starts feeling, starts thinking and looking at himself and the DAMAGE, he runs.
