OH Slowly, I have the same issue....H not dressing nicely (when he *can*) seems like a way of saying, I'm not going to make an effort for you....same with tardiness, same with not holding doors, pulling out chairs, helping with coats, etc. It's the little things that add up. I have to say, mea culpa: I think I stopped doing the little things for him for awhile in the M too. But one thing I couldn't be (thanks, Ma) is uncivil, e.g. not holding a door for him if I went in first! But I know that he, like NG with you, would do that to me.
And, of course, the real kicker being the special attention, special conversation, etc. lavished on OW . I guess what I worry about is, will that ever happen to us again, or are we the fortunate ones that get the angst and anger and fear but not the good stuff? Or is it that we don't make space for them to do this stuff for us? Are we somehow unapproachable in that way and how do we change it? Are we too competent, angry, complaining, etc and not appreciate enough?
All that vented, I'm told that in six months to a year it can be much, much better. Maybe someone out there has experience with that?
. I guess what I worry about is, will that ever happen to us again, or are we the fortunate ones that get the angst and anger and fear but not the good stuff? Or is it that we don't make space for them to do this stuff for us? Are we somehow unapproachable in that way and how do we change it? Are we too competent, angry, complaining, etc and not appreciate enough?
