Quote: Since the bomb in October, he would make it a point to ask me in the morning, usually via IM, how I was. It was the usual opening of our R talks, I did not take him up on it everyday, but when necessary it was there. Since the termination email, he has not once opened up to inquire about me And his general posture has been of not wanting to discuss much. It is a month now, so I guess I'm wondering where this is going.
Well Meredith & Mooka covered this pretty well, so at the risk of beating a dead horse, I want to try a slightly different angle...
Somewhere here on "Piecing" is a thread JJ started about rituals. Probably without even being aware of it, NG started a ritual that help bond you closer together by asking each morning how you were doing ... and now he has taken it away ... and now you are not feeling as close because of it.
Like Meredith says ... ask him for what you want ... but don't directly ask him as there would be a good chance of the request making him feel uncomfortable as to where it may lead and thereby placing a preceived pressure on him.
Approach the topic by not asking, but in words of affirmation about how much better that simple question made you feel about each day and how you miss it since he has stopped. Remember to express yourself in "I" statements and not to phrase anything in question form. Just let him know how you feel about it, but leave it up to him to make the choice of starting the ritual again. It also lets him know how he was doing something you felt was good in building a better R and makes him aware that you are paying attention the good things he's doing. So if he chooses to start asking again its not only because you wish it, but because he wants to as well and thereby eliminates any uncomfortable feelings and any sense of pressure that may accompany them.
Of course, it may help to point out that each time he asks, you won't spew negative vibes, but that you would like to have the oppurtunity to sense the pleasure in just returning a smile and letting him know that things are good when they are.
Keep working to build those positive vibes. You can never have enough tso hat you can rest on your laurels.
