Slowly, you’re talking to someone married to the king of lies. I know how much that hurts, how maddening and just plain FRUSTRATING that can be. Believe me, I know.
Can you identify why your H lies? Is it to avoid conflict? Is it to make himself look better? What is the underlying reason that he chooses to say something that is dishonest?
Then, how can you make it safe for him to trust you with this honesty?
I haven’t read much into your sitch, but have you tried asking for what you’d like? If you have, how? For instance, “H, I really miss our morning chats on IM. When you asked how I was, I felt very special. Could we start doing that again, once in a while?” or “I’m really struggling with the bad memories right now. Could we go away for a weekend and create some great memories to overshadow the negative ones in my mind? I would really appreciate that.” Something like that might make him feel that he can make you feel good, not just bad.
It does seem that he’s struggling through some guilt, and this seems to trigger his defense mechanisms – so I’d be careful about what you ask for and how. You don’t want it to seem like a guilt trip.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
