Slowly, I know it hasn't helped me to dwell in the "how could you" mode--and not just because H is so depressed and thin-skinned. Our MC did try to reframe it helpfully for me as, "What do you want now?" --which is, of course, various manifestations of love, care & concern. Which, unhelpfully, H cannot provide from the bottom of his pit, but maybe your NG is in a better position to do so--I sure hope that's true!
