Hi GBO - Yup, it was very tiring keeping up a positive front though.
Also, I learned not to take the first thing he says about a subject at face value. He has said so many things that are being denied now It takes a while to sift through the claims that are being made consistently - these are the more reliable ones.
Oh yes, I have also learned not to remind him - if he wants to forget so be it. Looking forward is what this is all about, right?
Nothing much by way of developments - we are both busy at work, going out for dinner, ho hum stuff.
Seems like there has been no contact with OW since THAT email. Strange, but I'm still finding this hard to believe, probably because they have gotten back in touch again so many times before...
Strange but the feeling of being in limbo prevails. I guess because I know and NG knows that there is much to be said, but we are not quite ready to say or hear yet. The art of communicating seems to have deserted us
I still struggle to handle the memories, which are thankfully reducing. But the unlikeliest thing could set them off. Ugh. Had a lousy weeping bout yesterday, I had to drive past the hotel where NG and OW used to have their afternoon trysts. The 'how could he' just keeps hammering away inside me.
You've been doing such a dynamite job and now this? What triggered you into looking backward? I know you know this, but I think it bears value in repeating this stuff over again....
*What were you doing when you weren't demonstrating this "living in the past" thinking and feeling better about your R with NG?
*What can you do to put yourself in a more positive frame of mind?
Can you be more specific about how your communications with him have changed? What was he doing when you felt it was easier to communicate? What were you doing when he felt it was safe to share with you?
Back to the drawing board, Slowly. I know you can do this!
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Slowly, Betsey has, as usual, made an excellent point. I too find my mind wandering down memory lane. There is a permenant stop sign there now. It does no good. We can't change what happened. When those thoughts flood in, I do literally stop what I am doing. Then I think of how things have changed.
I don't have the answer as to when the waiting for the other shoe to drop ends. I suspect like everything else, it will come with time, patience, consistenancy and trust.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Slowly, I know it hasn't helped me to dwell in the "how could you" mode--and not just because H is so depressed and thin-skinned. Our MC did try to reframe it helpfully for me as, "What do you want now?" --which is, of course, various manifestations of love, care & concern. Which, unhelpfully, H cannot provide from the bottom of his pit, but maybe your NG is in a better position to do so--I sure hope that's true!
Hi Betsey - You are so right in that I do need to get back to the drawing board. And to give us some slack - KAW very wisely pointed out that this takes time, and if the way we get over things is to keep busy for the next few months till we feel stronger, then so be it.
Quote: What were you doing when you weren't demonstrating this "living in the past" thinking and feeling better about your R with NG?
I was worrying about the future Actually, I do think there is some truth in this - while the R was at risk, my priority was being happy together. Now that it seems we are over that uncertainty, somehow my needs are different, I want validation and am forgetting to be patient
Quote: Can you be more specific about how your communications with him have changed? What was he doing when you felt it was easier to communicate? What were you doing when he felt it was safe to share with you?
Since the bomb in October, he would make it a point to ask me in the morning, usually via IM, how I was. It was the usual opening of our R talks, I did not take him up on it everyday, but when necessary it was there. Since the termination email, he has not once opened up to inquire about me And his general posture has been of not wanting to discuss much. It is a month now, so I guess I'm wondering where this is going.
Otherwise we are all hunky-dory. We spend more time together, chat about everything else under the sun, and manage to negotiate our way through most things.
What am I going to do differently? Lower my expectations - I've just got to take the slow thing more seriously Most of my discontent seems to stem from wanting things to move on more quickly - I guess.
Apparently they have to wallow for awhile, Slowly, even though by rights we LBS's should be having a turn at getting validation, etc. So, keep doing what is working, and I bet we'll hear in another 6 months that things are going swimmingly.
Hi GBO - I'm just so glad I can come and vent here - I have visions of standing in fromt of NG, saying 'what about me, me, me' - I may feel better temporarily, but no way is this going to get me closer to my goals Sometimes being a gracious adult is just a pain in the ass, can I say that? Slowly
ps. but yes, I shall take the high road, and not cringe when I look back at this time of my life...
It takes a while to sift through the claims that are being made consistently - these are the more reliable ones.
Slowly 
Betsey 