It has been quite an interesting couple of days with NG - he has been more present than ever, but apparently not saying or doing the things I am looking for. Perhaps I'm looking for too much too soon, from him, and from me. Part of me is afraid to lose the momentum we seem to have built, but realistically, in my heart, I also know that it just was not a sustainable pace.

So the time has come to re-visit dbing from the begining. This time, with a KLA view in mind. I finally managed to look at the workbook and listen to the CDs again, and have started from the front. It has indeed been helpful in reminding me of the things I had thought needed work. Strangely, my defensiveness about past mistakes is not so intense now. The past few months do seem to have opened up my ability to accept that I can err.

With this in mind, I am planning out for the next year. I'm expecting it will take us that long to really put the pain behind us and move forward with no doubt, and a lightness of heart. We will get there by focusing on hundreds of small things, a few everyday. By having a sense of direction. I know we can do this. We both want to, we are just struggling on the how to.

Firstly, I'm going to focus on myself
+ by the end of Sept, I'd have lost a further 2 kgs
+ I'd have limbered up a bit more thru daily yoga routines
+ I'd have fixed my cavities - yikes, do you guys know just how long I've been nursing this problem
+ I'd have built in home spa routines at least a couple of times a week, with luck, get NG to paint my nails he has done so before

I also need to do some work with NG:
+ smile more often, be a fun life partner, someone he misses when he is away from, someone he is comfortable to spend more time with
+ no control - my way does not have to be the only way. I will learn to let go, and accept that bills may not be paid on time, his mum may not be called frequently. These are things he needs to handle, and is perfectly capable of handling
+ establish a bit more mystery. I should not be afraid of his probing questions and develop a healthy sense of 'my time' - lots of friends to catch up with, and I so enjoy their company.

All this from just love illusion #1 - wonder what the rest will churn up Wish me luck, guys. Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time