Hi Maya - As often is the case, you ask questions I was hoping to not go near just yet, but I think it is time to take the plunge.
Quote: When you say you have your own understanding of why this happened, does it include the possibility that very little had to do with you?
Yes and no. Most of this stems from a childhood that constantly squashed his confidence. He is the third in the family of super achieving intellectual siblings; his academic record was not sterling. His parents, while not bickering with each other, seemed to have taken pleasure in running him down. Fast forward to when we met - we were both in school together, and were very attracted and comfortable with each other. However, over the past 10 years, the path of our careers have diverged, and mine has taken a much higher profile than his. Some of the things he has let drop recently tells me there is a lot of pain associated with not being recognised for his own acheivements. There are many other side bars to this theme, but I believe OW was his way to establishing something to boost his self confidence, and believe me, NG is a much stronger guy now than he was 2 years ago. But this is of course my theory
So for us, understanding why is the mechanism to get to the deeper issue of NG's self esteem. How did I contribute to it? I was frankly so wrapped up in myself I was not the kind of partner he needed. I have real passion for my job, it is interesting and challenges me. Somewhere along the line I had failed to give NG the kind of attention he wanted - something OW was happy to do. Post the A, well, let's just say that I have had a long hard look at my own priorities and as exciting as the job is, it is taking a back seat to my family and friends, NG being top of that list.
