Hi T2, Thanks for your reply. I am so removed from the person I was over 2 years ago, it is hard to recall if I ever really "justified" my A. I think I just felt neglected and this guy was a lot younger and told me how gorgeous I was.....it flattered me and I got caught up in the emotions of the admiration of someone thinking I was so great! I think going through the cancer treatments effected my H ego and this nurse thought he was good looking and funny (he has a charming personality)and she asked him if he had a brother, and that let him know she was interested. She has been married and divorced twice. Anyway, I suppose H and I took one another for granted and were each overcome by the attention from others. He was so supportive of me going through the steps of joining the Catholic church. I would have never predicted he would have. I would say we spend more quality time together now. Also, I get the cell phone bill and I calculated from last month he talked to OW 4 1/2 hours and to me 14 1/2. As far as talking about the good times of our pre-A relationship, we both have pretty good things to sau about it on the whole. I recently asked him, on the anniversary of when we met, 19 years ago this past July, if he had any regrets about meeting me, and he said he didn't. The rare times I do bring up him coming back, he says he can't live with me as a H as he can't trust me. He says I am a good looking woman and have a roving eye. (ironically, for over 2 years, I have not had a date or attempted to have one. I am totally focused on him) I know every cloud has a silver lining and I can honestly say that, I doubt I would have been interested in joining the Church where I have found such peace and comfort, had our marital porblems not happened. This afternoon was good. I drove to the farm he was cutting hay on and the dog and I stayed on a blanket under the shade all aftenoon while H worked. i even was able to help him several times in hooking up some equipmetn and he was so appreciative! Told me how good I did. So, before he left tonight, I initiated a big hug and he really hugged me tight back and said I did a good job today. In my book, this is another baby step since he didn't back away from me and actually put something into the hug. My H likes to be the focus of my attention and he likes for me to "appreciate" his farm work. I think by staying there today with him, I showed him that I do. He already knows that I want him to come home. I want to wait until Sept., after our anniversary, and judge from the card he gives me what his mood may be. I hesitate to bring it up too often as he doesn't like to feel pushed. He may say he doesn't trust me but, he tells me lots of things about family stuff and he knows I haven't broken the confidance. He was around here today from 2:00 until 9:30 p.m. This is fairly typical. Thanks for your thoughts and for responding. This entire matter has made me have patience, which was NOT one of my vitues before. Va Maggie
