Hi Wonder ! It doesn't matter if the M survives really, what matters is that WE do.
You sound great and you're 100% right about DBing being a successful lifestyle form...with or without the spouse/SO we all started out here to recapture.
While I love my H, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that as a result of how much I've grown personally, that if my H walked away tomorrow ,I could honestly wish him the best, because my life will continue on emotionally health and happy no matter what.
I guess I'm what they call, 'lovingly detached' in that while I love my H and am greatful that we've pieced our life and marriage back together, I know now that I will never be able to go back to who I was a year ago or ALL the years before that. That "Jan" died the day I was faced with the truth of my H's betrayal. And like that song from the Wizard of Oz..."Ding dong the witch is dead"...I'd have to claim that as my swan song.
I'm GLAD "that" woman's dead because SHE lived in fear and living in fear IS NOT living.
The new me wakes up every day thankful that I didn't kill myself, or jump into a "payback A" (both of which I'd considered early on in the nightmare)...or any of the other crazy ideas I had rattling around in my brain for months on end.
It's as if I've broke free of some incidious self imposed set of shackles and I'm now free to live my life, my way, for me. And it's a beautiful thing!
T2
