Reading your response to Pamela and I, it sounds as if you are on the right track. You asked for some pointers....I can give you what I would do knowing what I know, but you know your situation better, so some of them might not apply.
1. Stop the sleepovers. We both know he is going to ask to come over. I guess I would say to him the only reason he needs to come over is to see his son. Arrange visitation for him to come and get his son, take your son with him for the afternoon and bring him back at a time you specifiy. When he picks him up he can wait at the door, and when he drops him off he can drop him at the door. You may ask "how will he know that I am DBing?" I think you must first put a stop and set boundaries and get comfortable in "handling" your H and being in charge of the situation for awhile. Then when you are comfortable, perhaps you could accompany them on one of the visitations and see how that goes. During that time, you will just enjoy yourself with no R talk. If you think he is going to ruin it with R talk, drive seperately so you can leave, maybe just meet them somewhere.
2. For some reason your H loves to throw his OW and you "OM" in your face. Simply don't allow it. If you are on the phone with him, small talk with him (no R talk) and when this subject comes up, tell him politely but firmly you will not talk about either of these subjects. Then I would get off the phone as soon as possible so you don't backslide.
3. You have some ideas as to what you would do if you weren't going through this right now, so do them. Have all the fun you can.
Hope this helps. Sometimes I can be full of S**T too.
