Maybe you should do what she does to you......... you are pressuring me. And when she doesn't say anything for a few days and finally does, say something like, but you are still putting pressure on me, I know in the back of your mind you are pressuring me to cut up those branches, kinda like you say I do you with the sex issue. I know that isn't very good PM tactics nor is it the right thing to do, but don't ya just wanna make a point sometimes?
Ha ha, annette. You should know me well enough by now to know that I have pulled that on her. The reception was icy, to say the least. "It's always about sex, for you!" And you're right, it's not the right thing to do, and it definitely isn't constructive, but hey, it helped me blow off some steam.
I must be ignorant, just can't figure out how our spouses can't figure out that they will get more out of us if we get more out of them. Even when we tell them how it is, would think they would be more happy to comply, at least sometimes. After all, isn't marriage a give and take relationship? Isn't it both partners giving of themselves?
Annette who has a horrible sinus headache today and is somewhat pesamistic about things
My H has even commented on how much more productive I am when we are having lots of sex. I just feel motivated, alive, GOOD, refreshed, energetic.
I am not deliberately thinking, Ha ha! I got some, now I will do some spring cleaning.. or anything like that. I just feel mentally jazzed and I WANT to be active and productive. The side benefit is that the things that I choose to pour my productivity into are also things that my H appreciates. So he may see that as me "paying him back" but that is not the case.
Conversely, when my needs are not being met I feel lethargic and have no motivation to do anything. Most of this is due to a mild depression that seeps over me when we are not ML.
I do see signs of this in my H although it is not sex related, of course. But when I engage in a good religious conversation with him, he is positively pumped.
I have told my wife this a few times. Basically, that she will see a happier, more motivated Hairdog, and that things will get done around the house a lot quicker, with a lot less bitchin' by her. Still nada. She has said that it sounds like "blackmail." And yes, I've told her that it's nothing like blackmail. It's more like a happy marriage.
Anette, given my cynicism and current pessimism about relationships (and in my case women - although i am trying real hard to not generalize...) I'd have to say that it may be that our spouses KNOW about the give and take. It's just that they've been doin' all the taking, and we've been doing all the giving. Why mess with a winning combination? Not only that but some people take. They don't give. They don't want to give. In my darker moments, i would say that they don't care enough about their spouses to even think about giving. When I become saner, I realize that they probably don't even realize this. At least I hope they are not being selfish on purpose. Anyway, I think you have to get to the point where you don't do stuff FOR your spouse, hoping for reciprocity. Ain't gonna happen. Instead, do stuff because YOU want to. That gets hard when it comes to chores (cutting branches, doing laundry, et caetera) because these chores HAVE to get done by someone. If you are always are the one to do them, you end up resenting that. I know i do.
The differentiation song:
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Linkin Park
This thread has degenerated into mass self pity. What happened to differentiation guys? You lot need a kick up the backside. Stop letting your LDs boss you around. That's why your not getting any. Frog, you're mad! Tell her straight to clean up the house - and to have it done by the time you get back from the pub. hd, Tell her you need the wood to build a sauna and love nest. SD - Wearing the trousers again in his R.
he said bloomin arse