MadFrog - heya! Sorry to say, the story sounds too familiar. /-: Good luck to you and yours, and it's always nice to have an outlet when you need one. (-:
Quote: Right now, I'm in an "affection-lite" phase. I don't feel like hugging or kissing her much, so I don't do it.
Wow. That's a really big thing. I've been so caught up in trying to do everything I can to help him feel well-loved and committed to, that I hadn't considered not hugging or kissing him. I will actually make myself do it sometimes because it doesn't cost me anything and it relaxes him. (And I do miss touching him when I haven't for too long.) I went through a period of not doing much of that, because I didn't feel like it, and he felt we were growing distant.
But then, with us it's not nearly as difficult as with some others. He's always hugging me and kissing me. He's always holding me and telling me he loves me. He's very affectionate, and really, he's as physically dependent upon my hugs as I am to his... he just doesn't get hormonal about it, maybe. I have everything I could possibly want from a man - emotional openness, affection, physical and emotional support, physical gestures, he cooks, and cleans... he just doesn't make love to me. I feel distant when we haven't made love in a while, and he feels distant when I'm not hugging him as much as I usually do.
But I usually stop myself from *not* hugging him. I don't want to take away something that I enjoy if I go ahead and do it anyway out of anger and maybe a bit of pettiness. Part of me has the thought about it that "maybe that way he'd know what I feel." I don't want that to be why I don't walk with an arm around him, and I don't think I can escape the thought. *sighs* Ah, well. It's nifty to actually realize that if I do it because I don't feel like it, it might not be petty, just living in my comfort zone. Well, we shall see.
I am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me
