I suppose we can say that it's our "doormat" mindset that is keeping us from moving forward. I think it's definitely that mindset that led us to and helped us to connect to the type of people our wives are. However, even though I've made some big changes in stopping being a doormat, it usually just ends up pissing off W more, and doesn't seem to make her say, "wow, this manly man is standing up for himself...I want his body, now!"
Right now, I'm in an "affection-lite" phase. I don't feel like hugging or kissing her much, so I don't do it. I don't say that she looks great or pretty or sexy, because, frankly, I'm not feeling particularly attracted to her. I listen to her tales of work and her day, and that is probably the extent of what I do for her right now.
I'm focusing more on my kids and their needs right now, because of school starting, and I am trying to find something like a hobby to get involved in so I don't just collapse in front of the TV at 9pm.
Yes, my "doormat" quality has left me with no real hobby after all these years of trying to please my ex and my W.
