Lurked on this board a few times, read SSM, and the Snarsh (
sp?) books.
I am quickly reaching the point where the big D looks like the best solution. I always promised to myself that it wouldn't get to that point, but one can only take so much and retain one's sanity.

We have two kids (5 and 3), 5 cats, 3 fish tanks and one large dog (Mastiff). We have been married 6 years and living together for 8.

As most people on this board, our sex life went from spectacular to good to OK to oh-hum to non-existent. With the last two steps corresponding with the births of our daughters.

My wife has been convinced that this is a physiological issue and has seen her doctor about it. She has tried testosterone shots, changing some of her prescriptions, and now Avlimil. Nothing's worked so far. For the past 3 years, we have had sex roughly on a quarterly basis. And the year before, we had no sex at all - that's when she was pregnant with daughter #2 and was ill the entire 9 months...

I do most of the housework, handle all the finances, do more than my share of taking care of the girls (who are both in daycare so that my wife can work), try to be the nicest guy there is. In my own eyes (of course) I have done nothing "wrong" and as a matter of fact I feel that I have done all I could.

After reading the various books I mentioned earlier, I did a fair bit of introspecting, and analysis of my marriage. That kind of changed my own perspective on things. I realize that I have not always reacted in the best way to our marital problems. I tried to ignore them, I tried to talk about them, I tried to exhibit the behaviors I would like my wife to adopt, and I have just withdrawn from the whole thing.
Well, of course none of that worked.

This post is kindof all over the place, sorry about that.

I have come to realize several things about my marriage:
- my wife and I have NO hobbies/occupations in common, other than our kids
- my wife can be extremely selfish at times
- I don't look forward to seeing her anymore
- we have nothing to talk about
- traveling with her is nearly impossible
- I am still in love with my wife, which makes it all the harder to cope

We have no emotional or physical connection at all. I have noticed several patterns in the past that greatly trouble me.
First my wife is nicest to me when she wants something from me (light touching, maybe a hug, "honey this", etc.) The rest of the time she is cold.
Second, she only physically wants to be touched when she is horny. I know is she starts to kiss me or hug me that it's that time of the year.
Thirdly, she only ever wants sex the first week after her period (which might point to a hormonal deficiency?)

I have grown resentful, I get angry easily now (very atypical), I am usually in a bad mood and I mentally use very bad words to describe my wife. I am quite honestly miserable.
I have tried to do some 180s. For example, where I would withdraw into myself I have tried to be nice, and do thoughtful things for her. That resulted in her getting scared that I wanted sex (her own admission) and therefore she withdrew even further.
I have tried to not do the housework so that I wouldn't resent having to do it all. None of it got done. She can actually live in a pig sty longer than I can.

Anyway, at this point, I have given myself until the end of the year to try and make some improvements. After that, I give up.

any advice would be appreciated, although finding a place to express myself, is helpful in and of itself.

The differentiation song: All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you Linkin Park