Happy Effin' Birthday to Me.

[MadFrog]

belated reply to Corri and Mojo (and sorry to HD for a thread hi-jack):

thanks for spelling it out for me Corri. I now fully understand what you mean. And this also helps me better understand some of what the PM book was talking about. thanks a lot.
I am currently trying to determine specifically what I need to be happy. and what currently makes me unhappy in our marriage. It's not just the sex thing, but that is the relevant part for this forum.
The reason I have decided to wait some time before drawing the line is that my wife IS trying to "fix" it. She is aware of the problem (if not of the extent of it) and has seen a doctor. No help there so far (even with testosterone shots) and she has started taking avlimil. Since that herbal suplement takes some weeks to start working, I figured that i would give it a chance.
If that still doesn't work, we will then have to have a long heartfelt conversation about the whole thing. She has told me that she still loves me but just has no desire whatsoever. Once all the physiological solutions have been exhausted, we'll have to see if maybe counseling could help us find another cause.

In the mean time, and after thinking about what i've learned on this board (I've also ordered the DR book) I have determined that there are several things that I have not done, or stopped doing:

1- I do not express my wants. I usually go with what my wife wants and then resent her for it. not healthy. I need to express myself in affirmations instead of questions (not asking for permission to do stuff for example)

2- I don't immediately tell her when she does someting to piss me off (mostly because these days just about everyting she does pisses me off!! ). I need to pick the biggies and let her know it ain't right

3- I have stopped trying to initiate sex or even casual affectionate gestures. I have asked for both, but that's not the right way to do it. So I need to start initiating both of those things and get ready to be rejected - and still keep trying.

thanks for the help so far.

HD: I admire the fact that you are stil working so hard on your marriage. The main motivation for me is my kids. I think that if I didn't have any, I would have given up already. Whatever that says about me.